What's happened in the last 3 years...

I did buteyko, I dropped buteyko. I stopped taking my medicine...got sick and then started taking it again. In the meantime my Dad passed and between my own mourning and the weight of trying to buoy up my mum, I fell back on all my old ways...and I feel much worse.And while I may not be floored with wheezing, my weight has shot back up t 182 along with my blood pressure at a whopping 156.

I knew I was feeling awful...tired, stressed, breathless, coughing with the tuberculin hack of the near dead. And it's directly related to medicine diet and exercise.

1. I'm not exercising. Although today I walked 2 1/2 miles and feel better.
2. My medicine hikes up my blood pressure and makes me prone to infections and now I've recently learned , it makes me subject to diabetes as well! Why am I taking this crap? If the asthma doesn't, these med's will take me out!
   
3. I'm not sleeping. I wake up in the middle of the night, coughing, choking. Even though I fall asleep by 8, I'm still exhausted when my alarm goes off at 5:30. Somethings definitely not right.
4. I'm stressed out! This year, I was determined to make my career go somewhere so I've been buckling down, working my ass off, staying late, putting out a superior product. But while I'm worrying frantically about what my bosses think of me, I've forgotten about what I want. I'm running very fast towards a reality (a management position) that I'm not sure that I want. First and foremost, no managers in IT are allowed to work alternate schedules...so right off the bat I'd be back to working a much longer work week. Would that make me happier? It won't, of course.

So this is the plan du jour:

• Control my breathing. I'm trying to take small breaths each day. I haven't gotten into the CP's yet. But I will. And when I can get into a Buteyko class or buy the DVD's ,I will.
• Exercise. I'm not sure how I'm going to make this work. Maybe I'll get up early and do the home stepper for 20 minutes...because working out at lunch is very stressful for me and I never want to exercise once I get home. At lunch, I can actually commit myself to walking up flights of stairs, but no gym.
  
• Take my medication only once per day, preferably at night. I'm afraid of coughing at night...even now I can feel my self tighten up. So, I'll fill my prescription tomorrow and continue with a halved dosage.
  
• Elimate most white foods so that I can at least drop some weight. At 163, even without exercising, I'll feel better. Vegetables and protein until hawaii!
• Rethink work. I can become a Senior...but that 's not what I want. I want to push myself to write with the same fervor I put into work. I will put my energy into finding a 4/5's time position that doesn't include crawling under desks. Less stress, lower blood pressure, happier Leese.